Being Breath

stories from the wilderness of everyday life

Letting Go and Letting Be. Again.

I'm busy & I'm blessed.

The little things are starting to pile up. Remember how I wrote about "not having time" versus "not making time"? Generally, I'd say I haven't had time to keep up with various errands and chores. But to be honest...I haven't made the time.

I woke up early enough to get Tyler to the bus stop and head over to the YMCA with hubby to get in a 3.5 mile slow run. (My "to-do" on my training log.) We went to lunch, picked up envelopes for Christmas cards at Hobby Lobby, & headed home. He went off to work - I took a quick nap (exhaustion set in quickly), then woke to feed Dilana her snack, get our things together - then off to pick up Tyler from the bus stop and back to Hobby Lobby. (I decided to purchase something I couldn't decide on earlier. More on that to come...) We got home, prepared dinner, did some crafting, baths, and bed time.

I mention all of that just to indicate how busy the day was - yet how clear it becomes about the decisions I made that took up my time. (A nap & two trips to Hobby Lobby probably wasn't in my best interest.)

Yet it takes all I have to sit down and write this blog - I tripped over two piles of laundry to get here.

I'm finding that if my mind starts to get overwhelmed, if I start to feel busy, then the TODO pile starts to topple. If suddenly I have two or three or ten things that seem to all need addressing, I get stressed. Yet if I can let go of the pressure to do more than I have time for -- clock time and time based off my energy -- suddenly the list doesn't seem so bad.

An example:

I went back to Hobby Lobby to purchase the Xyron 900 -- for those who aren't familiar, it's an adhesive/laminating/so many cool things machine. Non-electric, very easy to use. The final straw was needing a way to adhere vellum for our Christmas cards...the Xyron was calling too loudly to ignore. That, and Hobby Lobby had it for 50% off -- the best price I've seen anywhere (even with online searches).

(The Xyron 900) (photo from xyron website)

When I got home, I was anxious not only to play with the Xyron but to try and finish some cards. So I printed on the vellum and went upstairs to try and put it in the machine.

For those who have used it, vellum doesn't dry quickly. Even leaving it through dinner didn't work. I'd heard somewhere that using a heat tool can dry it fast, so I pulled out my embossing heat tool and used it in few-second increments over the writing. Not only did it not completely work, but it ever-so-slightly warped the paper. Thus, when I rolled it through the Xyron, the laminate bubbled up and the text slightly smeared. Not to be deterred, I went ahead and cut a few to adhere it to cards. I now have two cards with slightly bubbly, smeared-text inside greetings.

I had it in my mind what I wanted to accomplish and was going to try and fight even the laws of physics to get it done. Bad idea.

I have now printed off the other vellum sheets and am going to let them dry overnight. (Hopefully that takes care of it.) I am still stressed by the other little things -- the toys that have been left out because the kids were past their bedtime once we got everything else done, the laundry (clean and dirty) that is piled high because I've only devoted 5-minute spurts of time to getting it clean/put away, the cards that aren't even going to get sent out tomorrow (for lack of some addresses, etc).

Yet I realize that as long as I keep balanced inside - open and receptive to the Me that guides me - what "needs" to get done will get done. The family will have clean clothes to wear (even if they have to pick them up off the futon). Christmas cards will get out before Christmas (even if some have a more "shabby chic" look to them). I will finish the mini-marathon next May (even if I back off some on my training right now).

I know this post is getting long but this is really tapping into something for me. I won't keep typing for fear of making this post rather pointless. I will, however, probably revisit this.

There is a difference between letting go (i.e. doing a Homer Simpson by putting the car on cruise & letting go of the wheel) and letting go to let be. I'm not sure how to put it into words, but I FEEL it...and hope at least from time to time, you do as well. It's happening when things flow.

So again I will try to let go of my priorities to recognize MY priorities - those of the greater "me" that is guiding me. What'll be will be.

Hopefully that includes dry vellum tomorrow morning.