Being Breath

stories from the wilderness of everyday life

Busi-ness.

This holiday season, more than any other, I appreciate the meaning of "busy".

In the past 9 days I have driven over 1100 miles.  (And yet, I have not gone outside a 180 mile radius of our home.) In one day alone, the kids and I drove over 8 hours...starting and ending at our house.  I've attended 6 parties and spent the night at our own house less than half of those nights.

In the midst of all of it, I kept saying yes to each new opportunity.  I was exhausted.  The kids' bedtime became non-existent.  I drove on snow-covered roads where lanes were invisible and drivers just staggered themselves appropriately.  I all but disappeared from my blog, FB, and Twitter, the clutter in the house kept growing as we'd run in, re-pack, and head back out, and I'm pretty sure I missed an appointment or two in there.  (Sorry again, Kathy!)  


And I would do it all again.


The only difference?  I would remember my self in all of it.

We all tend to get busy -- whether it is a project at work, family schedules, an art project with a deadline (*ahem* - Sketchbook Project....), classes...  In fact, many people seem to thrive on it.  Yet most people, like myself from this past week, just wind up feeling exhausted and cranky.  (Yep - cranky momma.  Not a pretty site.)

What sticks out to me is two main points:

What exactly you are busy doing or being and Where You are in all of it.

I was fortunate to be busy connecting with others.  Seeing friends and family, sharing stories and drinks, travelling with well-behaved children and singing Christmas songs (over and over and over and over and...).

At the end of it, though, I just feel wiped.  In the interest of maintaining the "busy schedule", I let go of healthy eating.  I let go of my yoga practice.  I let go of connecting with all of you - even if just for a short "hello".  I let myself go.

So even though I was busy and happy, I was slowly draining myself of energy.  If I would have kept this up, I would have unconsciously started relying on others for energy (using emotional tactics to draw anger or sympathy, physically relying on others to do things I could have done myself, etc.).  If I had to guess, you know someone like this - or have been there yourself.  (We all have.)

As the days continue - holiday season, new year resolutions, exciting upcomings or not, I invite you to pay attention to your "busi-ness".  When and where and why are you busy?  Are you really there when you feel busy?  How do you feel when you are done?

As for me, I plan to hide some of this holiday chocolate and continue with the laundry.  I'll find the kids somewhere in their pile of toys and pull them out for lunch.  I'll continue to reflect on 2010 and dream of 2011.

But busy or not, I'll keep re-membering myself.