Why I Do What I Do
It is about who I want to be.
Who I am inside and who I portray outside.
Who I am when I interact with others, and how I feel about that.
What I do when no one is watching, and how I feel about that.
It is about my default mode.
The thoughts that pop in my head and direct me when I am unaware of them.
Where I turn after a long day.
What foods I grab when I'm starving.
It is about how I want to feel.
How deeply I feel or how numb I am to it all.
Where my smiles originate - my mouth or my heart.
How much I care about quality - not of my life, but of this moment.
It is about how connected and aware I am.
Whether you appear to me as a mirror or a stranger.
If I see in myself (and the weed) the alive spirit or laugh it off as New Age
How easily I sink into the muck of ignorance or swim in the river of awareness.
It is why I do everything I do. It is why I return again and again to those things that are difficult. It is why I stumble - then stay down for a rest or get up and keep going. It is why I cannot go along with the training others accept, the way I've been told things "should be", the way that would make life much easier and more comfortable.
It is why I do everything I do.