Committing to Myself: 2012 Indianapolis Half Marathon
Whether due to insanity or sheer courage, We have signed up for the 2012 Indianapolis Half Marathon on May 5th.
(To be honest, my husband signed us up last night - just hours short of the early registration deadline. I reluctantly agreed.)
We ran this two years ago, but since then have taken extended breaks between events. Doing so makes one lose their conditioning. Basically, we are starting from square one in our training process.
Making the decision to do this is the same as making the choice to do anything.
We first choose a direction. We then practice living with fears, not over-inflating our ego at successes, and releasing attachments to the goal.
If we choose a direction and become fixated on the goal, we almost always end up suffering. We hit roadblocks along the way and suffer as we try to "power through". (in running, this leads to injury.) We miss the goal and suffer because we feel we've failed. (we don't run the race in the time we hoped or possibly don't even make the race.) We reach the goal then inevitably ask, "now what?"....and suffer from being trapped in the endless cycle.
If we don't choose a direction, we become lethargic. We float along as life passes us by.
I've made many choices throughout my life forgetting the above. I get attached to a goal and feel horrible when I don't reach it. I've also drifted along because of fear of what might happen. No direction. No energy.
Eventually, I find myself tapping into some bigger energy, something that sustains me beyond any smaller goals.
Eventually, I forget it again.
Such is the practice.
I know that this half marathon is a huge undertaking. I know it will take a great deal of time. I know I am giving up sleeping in on Sunday mornings (most mornings), giving myself over to biting winds, inviting the inevitable aches and pains.
I also know that this is a huge triumph. I am recommitting to my health. We are setting an example for our children. I am opening back up to the post-run euphoria, the sense of accomplishment, the lessened guilt for the occasional not-so-healthy snack.
I hold all of this in my awareness and step-by-step, simply move.
In honor of this renewed commitment, I share again with you the video I made after completing the 2010 Indianapolis Half Marathon.
Whenever I feel discouraged by a bad run (making it maybe half a mile then needing to walk) or unsure if I really want to do this, I watch this video. And I am reminded why I chose - and choose again - this direction.
NOTE: THE VIDEO IS DONE at 7:40. I ACCIDENTALLY LEFT AN ADDITIONAL MINUTE ON. Unless you just want an excuse to meditate with the black screen, you can stop it after 7:40.
Here's to finding (and losing, and finding again) direction in your own life.