Discovering Myself and What's Coming
I am constantly in awe of life.
Am I alone in this?
Over this past week as I disappeared from the computer to celebrate with family our son's 7th birthday, I immersed myself in crowds and social exploration. It was a fascinating time....one that reminded me how fortunate I am and how much I love my family. It was also a time of intense self-evaluation. From Kings Island last week (a local amusement park) to fireworks at the fairgrounds last night, I learned a great deal about the world around me...and even more about myself.
When faced with people smoking in front of their children, a clearly inebriated mother trying to discipline her children, individuals tossing their styrofoam trash carelessly behind them, overweight parents surrounded by their overweight children surrounded by plates of sugary Elephant Ears, young kids shouting obscenties at older adults, and teens setting off fireworks in the midst of rows of parked cars and crowds, I am blantantly reminded how judgmental I am.
My reactions to the world around me say far more about myself than they do about the environments in which I found myself.
(Of course I noticed the multitude of things that made me feel beautiful as well, but that isn't what this post is about.)
It would be far easier to just get angry. Or complacent. Far easier to judge the person who is blowing toxins into their child's face, far easier to walk past with a holier-than-thou attitude, far easier to approach them and lecture them on the destruction I feel they are causing.
Far easier to go about the life I am living and not examine my beliefs. Far easier to not acknowledge my connections to others, the ripple of effects I create with every action I take and even with every thought I have.
But easy gets us what we've already got. I'm not interested in that.
It is much harder to examine or simply be with my own reactions towards someone who chooses to smoke or litter or pursue a gluttonous lifestyle.* (*Please note: I am highly uncomfortable admitting this. Explaining my reactions to the latter, however, would derail this post. I will try to delve into that in another post.)
It is much harder to acknowledge that this day matters, that this thought matters, that this breath matters. It is so hard to admit to ourselves that reality may be only what we make it to be. It can seem so hard to come into the immense responsibility that this admission brings with it.
Immersing myself in this offline environment feels like the final straw of a transformation that has been occuring over the past several months. I have been alluding to the fact that I am changing, that the world around me has been changing....that this site, by necessity, will follow the same.
Tomorrow I will be publishing a post that will attempt to explain it all - where I am, where I see things headed, what this potentially means for you.
Today, I offer a simple practice: Walk. One foot in front of the other. No destination, no reason, no judgment of your walking style, the path you are taking, the world around you. No set number of steps. A further practice? Do it right now. Walk around your chair. Your car. Your neighborhood or place of employment. No reason. Just do it and note how you feel after.