Being Breath

stories from the wilderness of everyday life

Get Over Yourself

I am making a difficult decision this morning.  Not one as heavy as quitting a job or deciding to join the Peace Corps, but one that certainly tweaks at my self-center.  I am skipping yoga class.

*Gasp*! I know.  Unbelievably, mundanely, a who-cares kind of boring.  Right?

Yes.  And No.

I tweaked my knee yesterday in a pose that I should not have done.  (I have "runner's knee" in my right knee where the supporting structure around my knee cap is weaker...meaning it moves more than it should.)  My decision; my consequences.  This morning as I was getting ready, I felt it crying out to me that now was not a good time to go into a hot room and test its limits. 

And yet, present me is still inside screaming, you wimp!  You can just back out of certain poses - you are just using this as an excuse to avoid tough work.  You lack discipline. ...all while future me is whispering, "thank you."  (At least I hope its thank you... not Dang You!)

The phrase, Get Over Yourself keeps coming to mind.

Stand up and climb over myself.  Get out of the piles of these stories I've created.  Stopping tromping through this bog of worries and adding "shoulds" to the mountain.  Quit worrying about the voices of past me and future me that remind me and call to me and keep me distracted.

Why am I struggling around this Himalayan-sized beast of an ego, so concerned about everything from my parenting style to the cleanliness of my house to the professionalism of my workshop?  And why am I adding to that another boulder - a "should or should not" as to a simple yoga class?

Like an actor who struggles to get through a door on stage when in reality, all he has to do is walk around the door frame, I must remind myself that the mountain is not my destination.

All I need to do is let go of my grasp on these should rocks, get over the stories I have about myself and life, and walk away from the mountain.

There is so much beauty, so much wonder and magic in the hills and fields of the present now.

Releasing my grasp on the yoga class, my fears about the pain in my knee, even my concern over whether I am making right or wrong decisions...I open my arms and fly on the winds of change.

Namaste.