Being Breath

stories from the wilderness of everyday life

My First Pot of Coffee

I've never been much of a coffee drinker.

Yet, it will come as a shock to many Americans that I, a 35-yr old mother of two, have never made (nor known/cared how to make) a pot of coffee. 


Until yesterday.

 

BAM.  

This is the first pot of coffee I have ever made on my own.  Ever.

 

Twelve hours prior to that, I made two major decisions that require huge financial, spiritual, and time commitments.  

And after I committed to both, I almost immediately regretted it.  It wasn't because I didn't really want to do them - it was because I was afraid.  Terrified, in fact.

 

If only to get rid of that gnawing feeling in my stomach, I tried to figure out why these choices were causing so much anxiety.  I'll save you the hours of journaled notes and random sketches, and get straight to the point:

 

I was afraid because these commitments require me to do something DIFFERENT.

You would think that with two children who change their minds and moods more frequently than the second-hand ticks on my watch, that I'd be used to ongoing change.  But they are still my children, still in my home.  And in every other situation in the past few years where I've tentatively tested the waters of DIFFERENT, I've made sure to be in a controlled envionment.  I've clung to the tree on the shore and dipped my toes in.  Felt great and safe.

 

 

A ship in port is safe, but that is not what ships are built for. - Grace Hopper

 

I've tried to control the "practicals" in these upcoming situations as much as possible.  

 

(One of my commitments is to a Shambhala meditation training this weekend.  Yes, I'm afraid to SIT.  Beyond that piece of humor, I've asked on Facebook for the practical tips - such as what does one wear to such a thing?  I've received valuable advice - both on that and on a more ethereal, let-it-go type nature.  Both are helping.)

 

The thing is, as my Facebook cohorts have reminded me, the practical isn't what matters.

The practical is what can be used to dig deeper into that fear hole and keep us doing what we've always done.  

 

Think about it - how many times have you stopped yourself from doing something because you can't figure out the exact details of how it can be done?

 

Life isn't practical.  

 

Life is your child hugging you one minute and slamming his door the next.  Life is a traffic jam when you are already late.  Life is death and bills and fights and raindrops and all of the other things that seem to get in the way of, ....well,.... Life.  Life is change, the unexpected.

 

We are here to experience it all.

 

Without moving into the DIFFERENT and flowing with the waters of change, we miss out on the constantly changing experience of this moment...and on the possibilities that arise when we step into that flow.

 

Whether you are afraid to sit, make a pot of coffee, or - perhaps the hardest of all - be with life as it is - I'm forging ahead for us both.  

 

For those ready for the journey, please share in the comments below ONE THING that you commit to doing in the next week that stirs those butterflies in your tummy....even if (especially if) that thing is accepting life as it is.  

 

(Or making a pot of coffee, because it would be awesome to know I'm not the only one who'd never done it.)

 

Namaste.