This morning, hubby passed me on our run.
For the first time, I found myself trying to catch up with him.
One of my favorite photos from the triathlon. As these two friends approached the finish line, one kept taunting the other that he was going to cross first.
I could come up with all sorts of reasons, but that would lead me off track. What I am most interested in - what I want to share with you - are the thoughts that accompanied this run.
Because those thoughts are where responsibility begins.
Huffing and puffing, I kept lamenting over my state, feeling sorry for myself. This fatigue thing, my knee is out of whack this morning, blah blah.
The self pity soon turned to anger. Why the hell doesn't he take the jogging stroller? Of course it is harder for me... Come to think of it, why doesn't he watch the kids more often? (I caught this train wreck right here.)
When I became aware of my own thoughts, I opened my mind and let them go.
Slowly, step after step, I started to swell with pride. Not for me, but for him. I admired his stride, the ease as his body flowed over the ground, the peaceful but determined look in his eye. I became aware of how he was pushing me, how I would have stopped without him here, how the sunlight was falling on the grass beside us...
I became so full of gratitude I almost cried. (Yeah, I'm emotional like that. I'm ok with it.)
The run is now done, we are back at home, and the day continues. I will have plenty more opportunities to become aware of my thoughts and either become attached to them, or simply acknowledge them and realize I am not of them.
I - we - are not the anger we feel. We may feel burning inside, a desire to lash out, a symphony of logical and piercing thoughts ready to dance off our tongues. But who is feeling that burning, who is thinking those harmful thoughts?
I - we - are not the sadness we feel. We may feel our life is rough, things are unfair, we should be doing this or that. But who is drawing out what should be? Who sets the rules for fairness?
In the midst of a run, a morning commute, waiting in line at the grocery, watching a tv show, or reading a blog, we are thinking. Every single thought is an opportunity for awareness, to unite our mind and body and attention in this right here, right now.
Once we accept the invitation to be present to our thoughts, we are given another opportunity to take responsibility. Becoming aware of our actions (thoughts) and the consequences (to ourselves or others), we have a choice to make.
Breath by breath, thought by thought, we repeat.
Today, whether you are the one passing or the one being passed, .... experience it. Enjoy the invitation.