When Easy Is Hard
Easy: Breathing. Hard: Breathing fully.
Easy: Thinking. Hard: Thinking and letting go of attachment to the thoughts.
Easy: Going fast(er). Hard: Going slow(er).
Easy: Clutter. Hard: Space.
I could go on. I bet you could add pages to this list as well.
I am in the midst of something that is forcing me to slow down - a fatigue that is (as of yet) unexplained but keeping me from even the most basic of activities. It comes and goes, but on bad days I can barely even make it to the computer.
While I'm hoping a doctor's appointment tomorrow provides some answers, I am most interested in what has been happening this past week during the process.
Life is rushing on around me. Email inbox is piling up alongside clutter in the house. Appointments are being made by me and for me, the calendar continues to get marked up, bills continue to arrive.
Even though I am slowing into a foggy space, everything goes on.
Why is it so hard to let go of it? I see things rushing past and I want to reach out and grab on, even if it whisks me away. I don't want the speed: I am addicted to it.
It's ironic and a bit funny: It is just perception that makes hard, "hard" and easy, "easy". Breathing fully, releasing thoughts, creating space and so on really is easy. It is our way of living, our addiction to speed and stuff and our fears of impermanence and lack of worth that keep those things seeming impossible.
Remembering the "what if", what if we all had to slow down?
What if our day was focused on cooking, resting, and being in the environment around us?
What if work was the same as prayer - any work that was being done was in honor of life and done in appreciation of it?
What if we could realize - i.e. make real - these simple ways of being that seem so hard? Could we release our addiction to more and our aversion to silence?
Let the question swirl in your thoughts as you continue about your day. Do not judge your current actions - this perpetuates the habits of aversion. Just consider....
and perhaps, add a little space in your day and depth to your breath.