Being Breath

stories from the wilderness of everyday life

Going Groundless (The Story Behind It All: Part 1)

Last year, as LifeUnity became BeingBreath, I was led by a strong desire to clarify and strengthen my offerings to the world. I had ideas and practices that I knew could be of benefit to others - to you

But I was also stuck.

The ways in which I'd become familiar with sharing were no longer adequate for what I wanted to share. Years of taking online and in-person courses, studying books, being taught AND teaching others have shown me both the benefits and downfalls of traditional methods.

I knew what I had to share with you, but I also knew the old ways of doing so weren't going to cut it.

In 2 weeks, I will finally be offering access to something that has been nearly a year in development. For these next 2 weeks, I'm going to be sharing stories behind why I've created what I have. Why do this instead of just tell you what it is?

Because I believe the process is just as important as the product. Because I feel we connect on a deeper level when we know and listen to one another's stories. Because I deeply believe in honesty and transparency.

Because if you resonate with these stories, if you are frustrated by the same pitfalls in the way you have tried to learn, if you are craving the same ways of feeling mindfully and creatively ALIVE, then I want to offer something to you to help you on your path. And if you don't connect to these stories, then I honestly don't want you to waste your time and money on one more program that will leave you just as lost.

Regardless of whether or not my new offering is for you, there are valuable lessons and contemplations in these stories.

May they provide a window into your own awakening.

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Part 1: Going Groundless

Many of you now know the story of how I lost the ground in my life - how, in one short second - everything I thought I knew no longer made sense. (If you don't, you can read more here.)

Up until that point, I was certain of where I was going...even if that meant being completely ignorant of the world around me.

I had no doubts that I was going to be successful, that things were they way that I understood them to be (and thus, able to be navigated and able to be manipulated), and that my way was the right way.

Then suddenly, there was no way.

No way this could have happened. No way ahead. No way to figure out what comes next.

It wasn't just his death or the manner in which it happened that caused the earthquake. It was being alone at home for the first time, unemployed in the traditional sense, having to figure out what I was going to do with my days outside of caring for my soon-to-be 2 year old son. 

There was no one telling me what to do. There was no one saying, "this is the right way", "this is the way to get promoted", "this is what comes next". There was just me, sitting in almost constant tears, waking each morning to care for my son even though every part of me ached to stay in bed, picking up things around the house because it was the only thing  knew how to do.

I knew I couldn't go on forever like this. 

The months marched on. We were blessed with the pregnancy and birth of our second child, a beautiful, vibrant little girl. My husband kept diligently working away at his job, and our son and daughter kept growing in that unbelievable way that children do. 

And I got tired of being tossed around by it all and feeling helpless.

My first step was a quiet one: Reaching out online. A tiny blog that was read only by my husband and maybe my sister. I was thrilled when one person discovered me...someone I didn't know. I remember telling my husband that my goal was to have TEN followers by Christmas day. (And ah, the giddiness when it happened...)

I won't go into all of the details of all that happened next. That's for another time, another story. (And it is also public record if you feel like searching through years of my random posts.)

Because what is important in this story is that quiet little step. That one that only I noticed at first.

It was when I decided to wake up from my bad dream.

I decided to wake up to What Was.

One step - reaching out to say, "hi" to some vague, online world. Reaching out to let my husband know that I was ready to do something other than sit around the house in a daze. One step to acknowledge my pain, my happiness, my FULL being. Not all at once....just one step.

Knowing that I was still groundless and that nothing was certain, I still took that first step.

I knew how I wanted to live, and I knew that THIS wasn't it.

One Step.

Namaste.

 Part 2 will be posted on Wednesday, June 4, 2014

p.s. I post these to a broad, general audience. If you are someone who resonates with these messages, I encourage you to subscribe to my newsletter. That is where I keep in touch with those who I know are on the BeingBreath path - a community figuring all of this out together.  SIGN UP HERE